The Questionnaire
by M14Mouse
Summary: Some future agents have a different approach to The SHIELD's famous questionnaire. This is one of them.


The Questionnaire

By: M14Mouse

Summary: Some future agents have a different approach to The SHIELD's famous questionnaire. This is one of them.

Disclaimer: Don't own them.

Troupe bingo prompt: Mind control

Luan Martin has filled out his share of job questionnaires. They would judge his personality …and stuff like that. He always thought it was stupid since he has an awesome personality.

Everyone said so.

He always got the job too. So, take that stupid questionnaires said the guy. It was a mere 48 hours ago that he was kidnapped, rescued, and hired by SHIELD. He still wasn't sure why SHIELD hired him.

Sure, he knew a lot of languages. It is more of necessary, not a skill set. He traveled a lot. It was good to know what the locals know.

He wasn't going to complain. He got an awesome salary, great benefits, and he got to travel.

Most of all, his mom would get off his back for not having a job.

The first part was the standard name, age, birthday, places that you have lived, how many languages you knew (He almost ran out of space on that question)….etc…etc…

Boring questions and stuff.

He should have known something was up when he read the Alfac question.

Then came the whole what would you do in the alien invasion?

"Hey, Phil…Dude…I have a question," he shouted from his uncomfortable chair. From all of the toys this place has, he would have thought it would have more comfortable chairs.

"Yes, Mr. Martin?" The magical floating voice of Phil said.

"What type of aliens are they?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are they friendly or scary? Dude, did they come for something besides our resources? Because dude…So, old school…and cliché…didn't the aliens watch Independence Day?"

"They are hostile forces, Mr. Martin."

"Gotcha…they didn't see Independence Day."

He looked down at his paper and wrote:

Go to the Mama Jackson's kitchen and order the pie. Best Pie Ever.

16\. Have you met an alien? Do you have any associations with any alien race? If you do, which ones? If hostile, detailed description is required.

He frowned for a moment and thought about it.

He was quite sure that he hasn't met an alien. Although, those chicks from Vegas were kind of iffy.

He wrote no, he hasn't met any aliens…yet.

20\. The target is fifty meters away, your only shot is through an open window and your target is an alien with eyes in the back of the head. How would you proceed?

He wrote that he would miss…because Dude, him and guns…? Really, he wasn't that stupid.

21\. If aliens with magical powers stormed the White House, what would be the best way to contain the situation?

He wrote…call the power rangers.

Then it asked him about robots and super villains.

He had a lot of friends. He wasn't sure if they were a) robots or b) super villains. Is there a possibility that they could be both?

He frowned then wrote down a respond.

Dude, how I am supposed to know? How do you put that into a conversation?

Awkward.

27\. If you were attacked by ninjas, how would you response?

"Hey, Phil!" He shouted.

"Yes, Mr. Martin," The floating voice of doom came on again.

"Dude…the name is Luan. Mr. Martin is my dad. Anyway, this question is totally stereotyping."

There was a long pause on the other end.

"Explain…"

"Because there are good ninjas and bad ninjas. Ninja Storm are totally the nicest people ever. Although, Fist isn't too nice and can't deal with an honest mistake."

"Mr. Martin, how did you get involved with the Fist?"

"I didn't get involved! They are freaky crazy. Do you know how much back pedaling I had to do so they wouldn't kill me? A lot!" He said with a huff.

Not his fault that one of the locals confused him for the Fist person…henchmen…whatever. He just asked for the nearest Tea Shop…honestly.

"That is dutifully noted in your file, Mr. Martin."

Hell, what kind of response is that? He eyed the two-way mirror. He frowned at the question. He started doodling ninjas fighting smiley faces under question 27. That was an awesome answer.

28\. Have you ever been under the influence of mind control?

Nope.

29\. Have you ever had any out-of-body experiences which included body swapping, psychic projections, and/or near death experiences?

Dude, you should have added drugs that question.

He picked it up and flipped through it some more. There were still pages left. Dude, this is stupid and boring. He picked up the paper and got out of his chair. He walked out of the room then handled the paper to Phil, who was standing outside of room.

Dude was being creepy and stalkerish. He noticed that SHIELD is all stalky like that.

He thrust the questionnaire thingy at Phil.

"Finish?" Phil asked as he took it from his hands and started to flip through it.

"No," he said.

"Pardon?" Phil said as he gave him a look.

"Dude, you didn't hire me to shoot guys or mind control bad guys or something like that. You hired me because I am awesome at languages."

"This questionnaire aids us assess one's personality and judgment skills."

"Dude, I didn't need to fill out that thing to answer that. You could have just asked. I could tell you everything. I am a laid back sort of guy. Sometimes, I hold a grudge longer than I need too. I hate mornings and love nights. I may have ADD because I get bored easily. When I have a job, I give 100% because my mama taught me so. When there is trouble, I flail and possible crack some bad joke to relieve the tension. Once I am done flailing, I get my act together. And possible flail and hiding some more. That is me, dude."

Phil just stared at him for a moment.

Dude, he really needed to stop staring.

"Very well. If you go down to the room on your right, you will fill out the standard paper work."

He gave Phil a look.

"Dude, you aren't going to do that whole flashy thing, are you?"

"SHIELD isn't some sci-fi movie, Mr. Martin," Phil said coolly.

"Okay…secret organization that wear black suits. If that doesn't scream Men in Black, I don't know what does."

He could have sworn that he saw Phil fighting to crack a smile. A little minion in his head cheered.

"This way, Mr. Martin." Phil said.

He frowned as he followed Phil.

Now, that he was thinking about. He wondered if SHIELD didn't have a flashy thing. Dude…he totally is going to find out.

-SHIELD-

Once Phil got Mr. Martin into the room and actually sat him down to do his forms, he stepped out the room to see Sitwell leaning against the wall.

"Interesting guy, huh?" Sitwell said with a grin.

"He is in your department. He is going to be your agent, Sitwell."

"I know. I'm going to look forward to it. The little guy has guts. Most guys twice his size would have panic and caused more harm than good. He kept it together. He kept those kids calm and tried to protect me," Sitwell said with a grin.

Phil nodded then frowned. He flipped through the questionnaire.

"Why are ninjas fighting smiley faces all over this?"

End

A/N: This fic is kind of old but I still enjoyed writing it. Read and review if you wish.


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